5 Things Your Dad Actually Wanted for Fathers Day

By Gregory John "G.J." Vitale on June 17, 2013

Sorry to burst your bubble, but on Fathers Day, the tie and the sappy book are not likely to bring your dad anything other than annoyance. I’m assuming we’re not all five years old here, right? So we can have a real conversation about what dads are really wanting out of their special day, right? OK great, then let’s get started.

1. For you to please shut the hell up

My God do we ever stop talking? Seriously. Oh if only he could have one day where he doesn’t have to hear us complaining about that breakup with Amy three years ago or the reasons why a C is actually a good grade for that class. Bottom line is that your pops can only do so much about Amy dumping you, and frankly, dad isn’t going to care if the whole class got a C…the fact is, you got a C and that’s just not going to cut it. He’s probably dealing with boatloads of complaining customers at his job on a daily basis and he can only pretend to care about your mundane excuses for so long before he invariably, yet respectfully (in fact, you might even think he’s still listening), tunes out.

2. For you to get an actual job already

Come Fathers Day, if you told dad that you turned down that non-paying, non-reimbursed internship in Portugal in favor of a temp job right next to home that made you $8/hour, he might show some physical remorse, but mentally he just saw some Portuguese dude handing him back about 5 K. In addition, this way you can spend your own money to go see this Taylor Swift person.

3. For you to let him hold the remote for the entirety of the day

We all know that dad is king of the TV, but sometimes we can’t even let him have that privilege because Dance Moms is on or that Family Guy episode that you’ve seen a couple dozen times is on. So, this Sunday it would’ve been nice to make a concerted effort not to tamper with his remote privileges. Nothing says I love you like handing over control of the TV.

This “Jr.” must have a very happy “Sr.”

4. For you to win the lottery

Years of paying for your education, your braces, your hobbies, your everything really; wouldn’t a cool million just be the ultimate Fathers Day gift?

5. For you to say thanks once in a while

Dads and moms are just about the most important people in your life. They are pretty much the sole reasons you are alive (we all took sex ed, right?). For that fact only, forget all the other stuff for a second if you want, they deserve our respect and our thanks.

In my opinion, this kind of thing works like a diet. If you choose a fad diet, you’ll do well for a short period and then revert back to your old ways, but if you choose a healthy lifestyle, you will slowly lose weight and be able to keep it off. In the same way, if you use up all your good behavior on one day, don’t think that gives you a free pass to revert back to that spoiled brat you were before. So give dad a hug and give mom one too, because after all, it’s a team effort having to deal with you on a daily basis.

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